The whirlpool of life

The days have been turning into weeks, and now it is about a month since I last wrote. The leaves have been yellowing and falling off the trees. The sky seems to be clearer, fresher. The mornings and evenings have a definite chill to them. It is beautiful to watch the seasons change, and a beautiful reminder that time is not standing still. How I ever hope to be good at something without daily/regular practise, I don't know. Life has picked up pace after months of quietly plodding along.

Suddenly it is no longer new for me to be getting up at long before the sun rises. This was not something that I had foreseen a few months ago, but hey, life happens in funny ways.

Seeing as my job has been focusing on the physical and healthy side of life, I have naturally been focusing more on that too. Most of my “extra-mural”activities involve physical exercise of some sort. Mainly yoga and running/hiking. Meditating features in the not so physical sphere, yet it is still quite a feat to quieten the monkey mind that resides within.

My work life seems to be increasingly ...more. Of course, most of it has been self-created, but that's part of life. Learning more, becoming better equipped to deal with more situations and handling the challenges that one is presented with. It's growth. It feels good, if a bit daunting at times. If you're not doing something that seems to be scary, how can one hope to explore beyond the current, safe limits?

Thus, I am also committing to some things. A couple of races, for example. For work, as well as myself. It's not a half-marathon (yet). Great things happen in a series of small steps. So a 10km & a 6km run will do for now. Mentally, I am growing. Learning to trust myself and committing to things/habit changes can be a challenge in itself. I will attempt to be like water, and flow.

Recently it came to my attention that a friend has completed her studies and will be earning quite handsomely. Her job will enable her to work in many other countries. I am most certainly happy for her. She has worked really hard for several years, and deserves only the best. She is not the first of my friends to do this but this time, however, I had a momentary feeling of worthless. Many of my friends have been studying whilst working. Soon they shall be qualified and making progress on their chosen career, if they havn't done so already.

I did the best that I could after I left school. Although I didn't make it to University, I have done a few enviable things myself. I travelled to some amazing and beautiful countries, cities and towns. I met some incredible people and had the most amazing experiences whilst travelling. Nothing can change that.

It makes me feel good inside, to know that I was the one that worked hard, saved up and paid for that. My parents didn't pay for anything for me to go to Thailand or Canada or Cambodia. I've learned valuable life lessons along the way too. I can travel alone or with others, make new friends, live independently and live on a budget. I learned to snowboard and do reiki and teach yoga. I have plenty to be proud of and feel worthy about. That being said, I also had lots of help along the way.

Although I'm not going to have a few letters after my name anytime soon, I am working on the career path that I want to be on. My salary may be small at the moment, but this too is temporary. Besides, there are more important things than money. However. That travel thing? It tends to be pricey. And travel I must! There is so much to see and experience out there in the world!

I do wish to formally further my studies, to be recognised on an international level and to be able to work overseas. I just need to accept that at the moment, this is on hold. In the meantime, I shall work on what I can, whilst I can. I can only aim to better myself a little bit every day. Even if it is only a marginal improvement, it is still a step forwards. I don't know what the future holds for me but I am sure that what I truly, deeply desire and need, will find it's way to me. If I merely float along this river of life, I may end up not far from where I started. Yet if I paddle with purpose and direction, fowing with the current, I may land up far beyond the imaginable. All in due time.