My Journey Through Yoga

One of the cool things about yoga is that you can do it at home, provided that you have some instruction in what you're doing. I did the home practice thing from my sister's book on yoga for several months before I finally plucked up the courage to go to a class. I totally understand that going to a class can be daunting. Terrifying, even. The idea of being surrounded by a bunch of people that know what they're doing, being seen by all of them, making a fool out of myself. Yeah. I had all those thoughts.

The reason that I finally found a local teacher and began attending classes was that there was no point in waiting until I'd left the country (6 months in the then future). Going to a class has its pro's. The teacher can give you vocal and physical cues, adjustments and corrections. You learn a bunch of other things that the book doesn't tell you. You get to experience the energy that is the product of like-minded individuals coming together, for an hour and a half or so. Ideas are presented in different ways, demonstrated in different ways. And if getting into a pose is just not happening, there are props to help support you, or other postures to help strengthen the body, or avoid certain muscles and joints if there is an injury. Not to mention – the different styles of yoga.

Wow. Suddenly I was being exposed to three different kinds of yoga! It was awesome! There was hatha yoga, the sort of standard, basic, move from one posture, complete it and then move onto the next. There is breath work and relaxation and some meditation.

Then there was kundalini yoga, which totally tapped into the spiritual side of things. Apart from the postures being called kriyas and repeating them for anything between 1 and 7 minutes (seven!!!! My arms almost fell off!), sometimes with crazy stomach-pumping Breath Of Fire, or other breathing techniques, there was also chanting (which was sometimes super cool and the rest of the time, a tongue twister), meditation and relaxation.

Although kundalini yoga sometimes appears to be softer, or easier... I've worked harder in some of those classes than at any other time of my life. (That includes athletics or swimming training back in school.) The classes always start off with a couple of chants to set the intention and ends with a beautiful song. And, each class, or kriya, is designed to work on something specific. For example, connecting the chakras, or strengthening the lungs, or creating calmness, or empowering the self. No matter what challenges life had in store for me, the kundalini class seemed to nail the issue and always made me feel balanced again.

Then there was ashtanga yoga. Strong, powerful, flowing. And seemingly for contortionists. Seriously, how the hell do people get themselves into some of those postures?! Even now, I still can't get into some of them. But the classes were a lot of fun. We got to play around and do partner work. Try to get into inversions like handstands and headstands and forearm balances. I learned a lot there as well.

And finally, there was vinyasa flow. Hello sun salutations! The vinyasa flow classes were also stronger, flowing and faster paced than hatha classes. But, unlike the ashtanga (which follows a set pattern of postures), the vinyasa classes changed everytime.

Most of these classes were taught by the owner of the studio, Jeanette Van Wyk. Jeanette came to be my inspiration. She adjusted the style for each class, and for different levels of students. Her love for yoga and pure intentions of wanting to help teach others was infectious. The other teachers also had something unique and wonderful to add to the overall experience. Yoga became everything to me. What I couldn't figure out in life, yoga would help me through. And sometimes, it wasn't even the postures or anything said in class about yoga. Sometimes the thing that I needed to hear was in the chit-chat before or after (or even during) class.

Attending classes at Yoga Wisdom became like a sanctuary for me. I found awesome people with similar views. I found support in ways that I'd never imagined. I found inspiration and creativity. I was pushed and pulled and fell over and got up and laughed about it. It was an opportunity to get to know myself, in ways that I hadn't tried, or even imagined. Parts of myself became focused, suddenly in view of my semi-detached self. I got to see things from a different point of view. I got to breathe. I got to make space. I got to be OK with myself. I got to respect my body, it's limitations and the advantages and disadvantages of being flexible. I made intentions to thank myself, and to love myself.

Within a month of attending classes, I decided that I wanted to be a yoga teacher. I wanted to one day help teach others the wonderful benefits of yoga. I had first started yoga because of pain in my leg and foot. It had affected me so much that walking was an agony. Yoga healed not only the physical pain, but many other things as well.

As my practice progressed, other pains and injuries appeared. Each time, there was something - emotional or mental or spiritual - attached to the physical pain. And, with time and practice, as well as a fair amount of self reflection, the pain disappeared in that part of the body. Of course, it would show up again later in other places, or sometimes the same place, but whenever pain shows up in my body, I look for other causes for the pain. I search deeper within myself for imbalances. What am I stuggling with? Why am I having trouble accepting something? Why am I holding onto things? Why do I fear this? What makes me angry? Why am I confused about this? Why does this cause me pain?

And so, my practice (and my quest for “finding myself”) took me to the beautiful Canadian Rockies for my 200 hour teacher training. Man, I learned a lot in that small town called Fernie. I did so much yoga. (Eventually I became sick of yoga and the Essential Yoga Studio and turned instead to swimming and snowboarding for a few months.)

I was introduced to other types of yoga, as well as several different teaching styles from all over the world. Hot yoga (which was almost Bikram yoga, but not quite), hot vinyasa flow, yin yoga, yin and yang yoga, restorative yoga, yoga for hips, yoga for skiiers and snowboarders, yoga for alignment, yoga for guys (ok, I wasn't allowed to attend those classes, being a female and all) and even prenatal yoga. No kundalini though, which I silently wailed and pouted about. My spiritual practice would have to wait, and be open to other sources.

I also learned a lot of yoga philosophy, about ayurveda, mudras, anatomy, Sanskrit and a bunch of other stuff. I even took part in two world recond attempts for the longest yoga chain.

Because of the town's location, it attracted a lot of active, healthy, sporty enthusiasts. They weren't wanting the spiritual mumbo jumbo, so apart from a few ohms sneaked in here and there and some other tactful remarks about focusing on ethereal qualities, the focus was mainly on the physical. I still learned a lot. And I learned how to be gentle with the body. Thank you yin yoga. Sometimes, I really need to take it a notch or two down, really observe my body and its sensations and...relax. Aaaah.

Upon returning to South Africa, I eagerly returned to Yoga Wisdom. Yay! Although I had bonded quite well with some of my teachers in Canada (and it was REALLY pretty), nothing really compared to “home”. This time round, I got to be teacher, once a week. Eeeek! The terror! The nerves! The self-doubt! It was all there. And it was great. I taught some of what I had learned in Canada. I brought yin, and yin/yang to the studio. Something different for the troops. And although I haven't found my own style of teaching yet and I'm still mimicking what I've learned from others... it will come.

I also taught yoga at a local school once a week for a couple of months. It was so much fun, so rewarding. I never expected that. I'd come home some days, absolutely glowing. I felt like I was doing something really fulfilling. I also taught some of my friends in their own homes. I taught some adjustments as partner work at the studio. It was creative, fun, as well as helpful and safe!

Then I went over to Abu Dhabi, UAE. There was no studio (well, there was a Bikram studio somewhere, but very expensive. I also had a slight transportation issue). I resolved to continue my yoga practice. Hello home practice...and within a short period - hello stale, boring, wilted, forced practice. My passion sagged. Actually, I think it ran out the door.

At each stage of my life, in the past 3 years, yoga has helped me through the hard times. I've found that a balance between studio and home practict works best for me.And this stage was proving to be tougher than expected. Although I tried to be nonchalant about the whole process, it really got me down. Moving to a new country, a new culture, and adjusting to suddenly living together after almost 2 years of long distance relationship was... challenging.

Yoga began to feel like a chore. How could I possibly try to make a career out of this? In this place. There are so many talented teachers out there... What do I possibly have that they don't? And where am I supposed to teach here? Who? How am I supposed to find people? My spirits sagged. My daily practice turned into a few days a week, at best. I just couldn't do it. Showing up on the mat each day? No ways. It was a miracle that I was functioning at all!

I followed yoga videos online, on MyYogaPro. Don't get me wrong, there's a bunch of great stuff there and I may incorporate some aspects into my own classes. The point is that the videos just weren't hitting the spots that I needed. I'm sure that Erin Motz' live classes are pretty awesome.

So I turned my attention to getting this blog up and running. I figured (hoped, really), that this was just a phase. If I ever wanted to get a blog up and running, I actually had to create a website. Perhaps time for some yoga-off-the-mat. Because really, yoga on the mat just wasn't working anymore.

Well, as you can see, there is a live blog going. I've been back in SA for almost a week (I'm waiting for my resident's visa to get sorted out). And tonight... tonight, I went back to Yoga Wisdom. Man, I love that place. It really does hit the spot for me. Every time. I don't know how, but it does.

I have so much love and gratefulness towards the studio, towards my teacher. I honestly don't know how I would have made it through some times of my life without the gentle wisdom and guidance provided in that beautiful space. I love that it is so easy going, no rigidity. I love that sometimes a class goes way overtime – and that nobody cares! I love the attention to detail, the small bits of advice and insight gained through personal experience. I love that both students and teachers alike share vulnerable parts of themselves.

To know that others go through some tough times and have such inner conflicts, that they don't know how to deal with it either... it makes me feel... unified. It creates connections and openness. And somehow, I feel that inspiration and passion creeping back. Hallelujah!

I am thankful for finding the studio and the teachers that I have. Knowing that they have gone through similar difficulties in setting up their own studio is a sense of support on its own. If they have managed it, I will manage to get it right too. When I return to Abu Dhabi, challenges will no doubt await me. But if I persevere, and remain true to my goals, to my intentions, surely, the Universe will reward me. Eventually.

Until then, I'm going to get my fix of beautiful classes that I don't have to plan and think about, and get those inspirational juices flowing again. I'm going to go back to the root of why I love yoga and why I want to share it. And if you're ever in Benoni (the East Rand – Johannesburg) and you're looking for a seriously awesome yoga session – get your butt over to Yoga Wisdom!

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